Keeping Your Mouth Shut

I’m learning this lesson more and more every day. I used to think I had a problem with showing emotion. I tend to keep a lot of things inside, which isn’t always the best thing to do. You can’t hold it all in. Sometimes the tears and the frustrations need to come out or you will go insane.

I’ve reached the point now where I’m having to learn to quiet my emotions. I am not always successful at this and I end up getting myself into ridiculous arguments with my loved ones because I’ve overreacted and let my emotions control me. In the moment it always seems like I’m right and shouldn’t back down, but later I realize just how crazy I’m being. I think it’s probably a girl thing, this tendency to let your emotions control you. We know that this is just insane. Emotions are often wrong and can’t be trusted alone as a way of reasoning through a situation. So, I’ve been learning how to keep my mouth shut.

If I keep my mouth shut and let my crazy girl emotions pass on by, I find that when I do feel sane again I can approach the situation like a reasonable person. There are a lot of songs and movies that send the message of “listen to your heart.” I personally don’t want to listen to my heart. My heart has some bad stuff going on in it that often works against me rather than for me. I’d rather approach a problem with a clear head, seek after God’s will, look to His Word, spend time in prayer, and go from there. Sure, it would be much easier to jump to a conclusion based on what my heart is feeling, but the end result is hardly ever  good.

I’ve learned that when I do keep my mouth shut and tell my emo-ness to take a hike, the anxiety subsides and I realize just how stupid I am being. Seriously, so much drama can be avoided by the simple realization of “I’m being a total girl right now and I need to punch my emotions in the face.” Being a girl is not a problem, but the overbearing, overwhelming emotions that come with being a girl are a problem.

Step one: Shut my mouth.

Step two: Pray.

Step three: Realize how silly I am and be thankful that I kept my mouth shut.

Is He the One? | Part 2

Continuing on from the last post, two more things I believe in pertaining to the so-called dilemma that single Christian gals find themselves in:

2. Don’t be desperate. You aren’t going to die over this. You aren’t the first woman to deal with the emotions of wanting to be with a man and you won’t be the last. A lot of us, I’d say the majority of us, want to be in a relationship with a Godly man. We want to be the helpmate that we were created to be. The feminist movement has attempted to destroy the biblical instruction of what it is to be a Godly woman (see Genesis 1, Proverbs 31, Titus 2). We are told from a very young age that we should strive to be better than men, that they have suppressed us into submission and we must rise against it. And with this call for rebellion, also comes a bunch of crap about self-esteem. We look to the world and all of these beautiful women have great clothes, dream jobs, and super hot guys. We look to ourselves and see all of our shortcomings. We are told that unless we are beautiful, we will never be happy. Unless we lower our standards, we will never be happy. Unless we look like the world, we will never be happy. These are lies!

I just picked up Leslie Ludy’s book Set-Apart Femininity. I haven’t gotten very far into it yet, but from listening to her talk about the book on her podcast, I’m very encouraged to have found a woman who desires to live a set-apart life. She understands exactly the struggles and the desires of a girly heart, but she also knows the biblical truth of what it is to be set-apart, especially as a woman. 

To sum this up, it really does suck to be a girl sometimes. We have this longing in us to be found beautiful. We want to be pursued by Prince Charming, to be loved and made whole. The problem with this is that we are expecting a man to fulfill our longings when Christ is the only true fulfillment. If you haven’t figured this out already, men will let you down. They aren’t perfect. They don’t get it right all the time. And neither do we. People will let you down. It’s a fact. That is why our hope belongs in Christ alone. He is true, everlasting love. Don’t think that the longings of your heart are going to be fulfilled when you get married. Get into the Word and seek God.

3. Understand Real Beauty. Real beauty doesn’t involve being a size zero, having perfect hair, and gorgeous makeup. We need to stop being so focused on our bodies. I am not perfect. I am far from it. By the standards of the world, I am not beautiful. I am flawed and the only real solution would be a ton of cosmetic surgeries and a lot of assistance. I could look to this world and think about how I can never meet its standards. What guy will ever find me attractive? There are far more beautiful women out there that I just can’t compete with. No guy is going to want me.

I hope that if you share those thoughts you will get this reality: those are not the guys you want to attract. If a guy only wants you because of how you look, forget him. That is not a man of God. That is a man of the world. I’m sad to say that those guys are the majority and Godly men are indeed rare. But they do exist! And these men understand what real beauty is, not the artificiality of the world’s standards. Don’t seek to be beautiful to the world. Instead, seek after God. 

“All that is in the world; the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life; is not of the Father but is of the world.” – 1 John 2:16

I know that I myself would much rather reach the end of my life knowing that I sought after God and His will instead of chasing after guys and trying to be attractive to the world. If it means that I never marry and find myself alone, so be it. God has called me to be set-apart and it means denying self. 

I hope these rambling thoughts of mine let you know that you are not alone in these feelings. They are common. However, be uncommon in your beauty. Don’t worry about the world. Don’t worry about guys. Seek God.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is the be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

Is He the One? | Part 1

It’s a question that just about every girl, believer or not, will eventually ask herself. How do I know if this is the guy that I am supposed to marry? Is he “The One”? Or is there someone else? What if I marry him and then meet someone else who is “The One”? What if I don’t marry him and I never meet anyone else? What if there isn’t just “one”? What if there isn’t anyone out there for me? What if I’m doomed to be single forever?

I’ve heard John MacArthur and John Piper both address this issue, because seemingly it’s something that a lot of us are concerned about. If you haven’t already, I would really recommend you check out John MacArthur’s video on Taking the Mystery Out of Knowing God’s Will. It is really a lot simpler than we make it out to be. We make it such a stressful and worrisome problem, when in fact God has spelled out His will for us in His Word. It is a longer video, but well worth it. You must watch it!

Back to the question of knowing to whom, if, when, and where marriage is to take place. I’m no expert. I’m not married. But I do believe a few things:

1. God is first. I don’t think God plays games with us or that He is cruel. I think if you have that desire in you to be married and you are following His will, as John MacArthur says, “do what you want.” Paul makes it clear that it is better to be married if you can’t control yourself. 

“But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” – 1 Corinthians 7:9

However, Paul also says it is best to not be married. 

“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” – 1 Corinthians 7:32-35

So if you desire to be married, then marry. But if you can control yourself, it is better to fully devote yourself to God. God is first, above any relationships we may have. Don’t spend all of your time focused on worrying about marriage. Instead, devote yourself to God, to serving Him.

More to come-

Part Two: How an ugly girl can be beautiful and what it means to be a set-apart girl 

Because sometimes you just need it…

They even have their own parking spots! I love Starbucks!

When I saw this bad boy on my trip to the mall yesterday, it was love at first sight. This girl needs her coffee. It’s like blood. Necessity. After almost a week of withdraw, finally I found a Starbucks at a hospital. This is what happens when you’re from the middle-of-nowhere Kentucky and you go home to spend Christmas with family. You get bored and you get decaffeinated. Horray for finding expensive coffee water!

I’ve had a lot of time lately to think about where I’m headed. I’m out of school, unemployed, and need to pay the bills. There is a lot decision-wise going on in my life right now and it seems to have all hit at the same time. And bonus, at Christmas time when the last thing I want to be doing is thinking about how everything is going to work out. I doubt my family enjoys me spending my time worrying when I am supposed to be spending time with them.

So let’s all remember (I’m mostly preaching to myself here), that nothing is worth worrying over. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

Things I know: God is good. He provides. He is sovereign. He is faithful.

No worries, mate.

 

Dear Googlers:

It seems that a lot of people find my blog by searching for phrases like “a time of singleness, how to find the right Christian man, waiting for Mr. Right, why do Christian women have to wait so long for a man” etc. I am kind of surprised that the search results lead you to my blog. I am no expert in this area. I think what really surprised me was how often these phrases were being searched. This is obviously a topic that many of you are interested in, otherwise you wouldn’t be typing it in on Google and navigating yourself to here. I’m sorry to say that I don’t have any answers for you here. But I think that I know the desperation you must feel, especially since you’ve resorted to searching for help on Google. 

Singleness for women, specifically Christian women, is not a pleasant topic. Singleness is definitely viewed as a curse and something one should avoid at all costs. I’ve been there, done that. I know what it’s like to want to know the answer so bad to the question of “Why haven’t I found The One?” You’ll search everywhere. You just know there must be a clear cut, reasonable answer. It’s something you can fix. Maybe it’s your hair or your weight. Maybe it’s your lack of organizational skills. Or maybe it’s because you owe something to God, so He is withholding. Girl, let me tell you now…if you think you are single for any of these reasons, get your head out of your butt. Sure, there is nothing wrong with self-improvement. But don’t think for one second that God is playing games with you. Or that changing your hair color will suddenly usher Mr. Right into your life.

I think there is a lot to be addressed within the topic of Single Christian Ladies. You all seem to be interested and searching for something. So, I’m asking you to leave me a comment and let me know specifically what questions you have and what situation you find yourself in. Be anonymous if you must. Send me an e-mail if you don’t wanna leave a comment: refogirl@gmail.com

Emergen[t]cy!

“I don’t want to say because what works for me might not work for you. This is where I am on my journey, but my journey is different than yours. For me to tell you what I actually believe might cause a division between us and I don’t want that to happen. I want to keep the lines of communication open between us.”

Isn’t it interesting that the people who bring up the questions are the very people who refuse to answer. Maybe I am way off base here (and please correct me if I am), but I have found that these people who are all about conversation almost always refuse to participate in it. I don’t get it. They present a topic, a discussion begins, but when asked to defend their position they either quickly run away or turn it into an ad hominem argument, usually about your unloving tone or your anger issues. This perplexes me. 

From what I understand of the Emergent movement, conversation is what it’s all about. So how does it then make sense that ‘emerging’ folks refuse to converse? Initiating a conversation and then stepping out of it when it gets too hot to handle is not ‘dialogue.’ 

This is a concern to me because this is what’s trendy. The Emergent scene is where you will find the cool kids. It’s where the good music is played and the cool bibles are used. It’s super postmodern and attractive to the trying-to-be-hip youth and young adulters. It is nothing new, but its reinvention of itself is very consumer driven. Just go look at your local Christian bookstore and you will see what I mean (think Rob Bell, Brian McLaren, Doug Pagitt). One word: NOOMA. 

I am really hoping that someone who hangs with the emergent camp is reading this and will be tempted to respond. Cause seriously, I don’t get it. Let’s have a conversation.

I’m out of commission.

I have mononucleosis. 

I have three weeks of college left until graduation.

I’m not gonna be posting on here for a while. Check out the blogs on my blog roll. They are full of good stuff.

Be Thou My Vision

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul’s Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of Heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of Heaven, my victory won,
May I reach Heaven’s joys, O bright Heaven’s Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

He is my Strength.

So if you look at the time I’m posting this, it is super late. I know I’ve been talking about this a lot, but my emotions have been kicking my butt lately. So this evening as I was getting ready for bed, I opened my bible and read this:

My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26

He is the strength of my heart!

Check this out…

I have written a post as a guest on Everyday Mommy’s blog. It’s my confession as a former Christian culture junkie. Here is a preview: 

I try to dress in a way that shows I put my faith in God. I wear a lot of Christian t-shirts, because that way someone will know I am a Christian without me having to even do anything. It is like free advertisement. I also wear a WWJD bracelet, even though I know it is sort of old and corny! I think it is a great way to remind myself and other people to think about how Jesus would respond in situations that we may find ourselves in.

So click right here to head over to the Everyday Mommy blog to continue reading about my experience with Pop Christianity.